Harry

Especially For Young Women

 
   

 

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Your Sexual Behaviour And Your Genes

I've been thinking a lot about sex recently.

LOL!

But, as a topic, it does seem to be cropping up more often in the 'manosphere'.

(That's where real men hang out these days, by the way. On the internet.)

Unfortunately, however, they do not seem to be talking much about the good bits about sex, but as having been the victims of it!

I kid you not .

Sex seems to be causing so much grief to so many people these days that I'm beginning to wonder why evolution ever invented it.

And I certainly never thought that I'd see the day when so many grown men were frightened of it.

So, what's going on out there?

Am I missing something?

Have we not all learned by now that our man genes were designed to reproduce themselves - which is why men like lots of sex.

"Get out there and have sex," is what a man's genes are constantly telling him. "Get your lazy backside off that couch - you idle lump of lard - and seek out a woman with whom to have sex. Go out there and make lots of lovely copies of me. Me. Me. Me."

 

man thinking about woman in bikini drinking champagne cartoon

This is what the sex drive is all about. This is what it is for. To make copies of our genes.

This is not to say that men think about sex all the time. They think about many other things too. Like sports, work, families and other interests.

So how can sex be causing so much anguish to so many people?

And what about women?

Do you really think that they don't like sex?

Well, of course they do.

They have the same kind of sexual desires as men.

True; they are much fussier than men with regard to whom they want to have sex with. And they have mood swings every month, (it's every hour in my house.) But, given the chance, a good atmosphere, the right partner - preferably a wealthy one - the correct hormonal conditions and a glass or two of fine wine, women enjoy sex just as much as men.

So where are all these problems coming from?

Where is it all going wrong?

It doesn't make sense.

Evolution did not make human beings who are damaged or hurt by sex.

Think about it.

Imagine two groups of humans.

One group thinks that sex is great. They want more, more, more sex. The more, the better!

The other group thinks that sex is hurtful - something to be avoided.

Which group do you think is going to end up populating the planet?

Well, of course, it is the first group, isn't it?

we are continually being bombarded with the notion that sex is bad for people

So how is it that we are continually being bombarded with the notion that sex is bad for people?

How can it be?

Goodness me. In my time I have seen it being proclaimed that sex causes people to develop schizophrenia, psychoses of various types, long term psychological trauma, depression, anxiety, dyslexia and, in fact, just about everything under the sun.

You might not believe this, but it is true: When I was a 10-12 year old boy, there was a belief - goodness knows where it came from - that masturbation could make you go blind.

But how can any of this be true?

Why on earth would evolution have produced human beings who are doomed to suffer from sex?

Everybody blind!

The whole idea is ridiculous. And it would be totally counter-productive from a gene-copying point of view.

Well, of course, the answer to this most intriguing problem has something to do with the fact that engaging in sex is not an act that remains unaffected by other factors.

For example, sex might involve coercion, pain, fear, betrayal, jealousy, envy, unwanted pregnancies and, indeed, a whole host of other factors - many of which are to do with cultural, social or religious expectations.

And, in my view, it is these other factors that often produce outcomes that are 'unsatisfactory' when they are combined with sex.

sex, itself, is not the problem.

In other words, sex, itself, is not the problem.

In short, and as far as I am aware, there is no psychological mechanism in normal human beings that would predispose them to be harmed psychologically by having sex.

And I cannot think of any reason why evolution would have given rise to human beings who are psychologically harmed by having sex.

It is those other factors that are the problem!

Indeed, I was 'traumatised by sex' once, because I thought that I might have gotten my 16 year old girlfriend pregnant. (I was 14/15 at the time.)

I was haunted badly for about two weeks by the possibility that she was pregnant. And there was no easy pregnancy-testing method available in those days. You just had to wait and hope that her menstrual cycle would eventually reveal that no pregnancy had occurred.

a pregnancy would have had huge consequences

In those days, a pregnancy would have had huge consequences - particularly given that my family was Catholic.

Well, she wasn't pregnant - but I was still haunted by the experience for a very long time thereafter; often having nightmares while asleep.

And this was true even though I was in love with this girl, and would have been quite happy to marry her when the time was right.

My point is that I was not 'traumatised by the sex', but by the fear of a pregnancy. And I imagine that she, too, had a similar experience.

But even saying that it was the 'fear of the pregnancy' that haunted me isn't quite right, is it?

After all, why should I have been fearful of her pregnancy?

Surely, my fear was mostly to do with other consequences that would have arisen if she had been pregnant.

Shame for having been so stupid. Worry about what our parents and society would think about me. Anxiety over what job I could do if she was going to have a baby. Where would we live? What effect would it have on my mother? How would my grandmother react?

A whole cascade of possible negative social and personal consequences haunted me.

But not 'the pregnancy'.

So, once again, my point is that the sexual act - the reproductive act, if you will - was not the cause of my trauma.

It was other things - in this case, mere possibilities - that were the problem.

And, in fact, all these other things were entirely imaginary. They never happened!

And yet, for years thereafter, I was often haunted by the thought that my sexual antics would lead to the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy.

So when I said earlier that I was traumatised by the fear of a pregnancy, I was misleading you.

Because the problem was not 'a pregnancy'.

But my guess is that you believed it when I said it.

Now, at this point, some readers might think that I am being too pedantic here. Or, indeed, too devious.

"Let's face it, Harry. You were traumatised by the thought that she was pregnant. Stop heading off into the realm of possible consequences. You're just fooling about with words."

But you would be wrong to believe this.

When it comes to sex, it is the abuse industry that fools about with words

When it comes to sex, it is the abuse industry that fools about with words - in order to mislead people.

And the way in which our brains work make it easy for them to fool us in such a manner. Mostly, because we just absorb their messages without thinking enough about them.

But when you look very closely at what they are saying, you quickly learn that they are far too often misleading you. Misdirecting you.

Just like I did.

Well, when it comes to the layperson, one has to accept that the issues herein are much too complex - and too hidden - for most of them to understand properly.

But when those who are supposed to be professionals in this area make similarly misleading pronouncements, they deserve to be exposed.

Finally, when you look closely at cases wherein sex is deemed to have traumatised certain individuals you nearly always come up with, essentially, three likely conclusions.

1. The sex was not the problem. Some extraneous factors were at work; e.g. pain, coercion, fear of consequences etc

and/or

2. The individuals concerned have an abnormally high, unwarranted fear of sex itself.

An example of this, perhaps, would be where a person is paranoid about bacteria or 'dirt'; e.g. someone who manifests this by washing his hands 100 times a day.

and/or

3. The individuals concerned are deriving some desired benefit from portraying themselves as victims.

Usually, power of some sort.

None of this is to suggest that sex, these days, is free from the possibility of numerous negative consequences for people.

Sex is often a hugely tricky enterprise

Sex is often a hugely tricky enterprise with many pitfalls and uncertainties.

Indeed, for some people, not having sex, or not wanting to have sex, can also trigger off a whole cascade of negative consequences.

"No thanks, I'd rather read my book."

man in deck chair reading woman in bikini walking past cartoon

 LOL!

But perhaps the most important thing to bear in mind is that when people have sex with each other, it is overwhelmingly the case that their intention is to please each other.

(Sure, they usually want to please themselves at the same time. But if they do not please their partners then they are unlikely to be invited back again, are they?)

But we forever appear to be losing sight of this thanks to certain malevolent forces that have grown far too powerful in recent years.

And so it is that men's motives when it comes to having sex with women are nowadays always seen as suspect or abusive in some way when, in fact, their greatest desire is mostly to please them.

But this always seems to be hidden from view when it comes to any public discussions about the matter.

And when it comes to talking about sex and men in the mainstream media, the word 'abuse' seems to be the word that is most strongly, and most unfairly, associated with the issue.

sex was designed to be fun

But sex was designed to be fun - for all parties concerned.

And yet if you look at any of the mainstream media - particularly the tabloids - you will never see sex being described as fun; which it is for billions of people - who engage in trillions upon trillions of sexy interactions and flirtations every single day.

So, how is it that sex is always portrayed as abusive?

Well, read more of this website, and you will surely find the answer to this intriguing question.

 



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